The Weekend

So I am really bad at keeping up with my blog. I need to push myself to keep writing on here. I have so many stressful events going on in my life and I find "blogging" helps me deal with it all. So you would think that I would keep up with it..oh well.

On Friday (May 28) I had to go into the dentist to get eight cavities filled. Okay, I brush and floss many times a day and I still manage to have eight cavities. But these were in between my teeth instead of down in the tooth. The dentist had to go in and move all the surrounding teeth for each cavity. This resulted in me laying in this uncomfortable chair for 2 1/2 hours with my mouth open, not able to close it I might add. After wards and since then, I have had chronic pain and I am unable to chew hard food. It's been a struggle for me.
Saturday the family went up to Day Break in SL County for my Uncle Clays first triathlon. Well in order to get there in time we had to get up at 6:30 a.m. and I'm not a morning person at all, another struggle. Clay ended up doing an AMAZING job and completed with a time of 1 hr 39 min 45 sec. It was such a great experience to be as a family supporting him in this. He has been training for so long and it was such an inspiration to watch him complete a goal, a not so easy goal I might add. GO CLAY!!!!

After taking a long nap, I had to work 8 hours the rest of Saturday and then go back to work the following day. Phew a busy weekend. Then today the family got together to have a little bbq for Memorial Day. It was really fun to just sit down and have a nice meal with the family. It's not to often that we get to sit around the dinner (lunch) table together and talk. I love my family.

To put a cherry on top, todays weather was beautiful! Actually felt like summer was on its way.

Lately

So I kind of haven't written on here in awhile...a few things have happened since my last post.

My cousin Kodei had his end of year choir concert at Diamond Fork Junior High School at the beginning of this week. I took my roommate Erin with me because she was wanting to meet my adorable little cousins Kodei, Chyanne, and Bailly. Kodeis concert was so good. He has a lot of kids in his choir that have amazing voices, of course, he has the best! :) The kids decided to take my camera and have fun taking pictures of random things.
. Then my roommate Erin and I decided it would be fun to make home-made cookies. We went to the grocery store, bought all of the ingredients, got back to the apartment, started mixing the ingredients together. I put my first batch in the oven and about 8 minutes later checked on them...they weren't rising, just getting bigger and bigger. I can't really explain how crazy they looked, but here are some pictures of those nasty cookies...
Yesterday I was able to go hang out with my one of my best friends in the world Shalisa. We both have such busy schedules that we barely get to see each other. The last time I had saw her was in February. Well we went out to eat, went to Ross and tried on clothes, went and got Roxberry smoothies, then took pictures for the rest of the night. It was so nice to see her again and be able to just relax and finally have fun again.

Imagine

So I admit that I have been very negative in my past few postings. I have been very overwhelmed with everything with school and my infection. But right now, this very moment, I feel great! I just keep smiling today and it feels really good. I like being happy!

"You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope someday you will join us, and the world will live as one."

-John Lennon

Frustration

Today has not been my day. Woke up (after cleaning last night in the kitchen) to the sink full of dishes...again. Are you kidding me? So I went on a 4o minute walk with my roommate Erin, which helped calm me down some. I feel like I do so much around here and I get zero credit for it. Whatever..just keep walking all over me.

Then two years ago, I thought a certain something of a certain someone, today that thought changed. I don't want to go into big detail about it; but pretty much I was kicked the curb and exchanged for an old friend instead. Nothing like that to lift your spirit right? Wrong.

Then, once again my apartment has turned into the party central! I am sick of not being able to sleep at night because there are people over here until 3 a.m. laughing and talking super loud. Hey guess what? You're not the only people who live here! Yup that's right, two more people live here and are trying to get some sleep. Do you think we get sleep? Absolutely not. If I'm not irritated about one thing, then it's something else.

HEY STOP SLAMMING THE DANG DOOR!!! IT'S NOT THAT HEAVY!!!

So frustrated right now.

At least a few good things are happening and have happened. I am through with school this semester finally. That has lifted a lot of stress off of my shoulders. Tomorrow Me, Patrick, Katelyn, and Quinton are going to have a fun time making pizza and playing games.

Last night I was very fortunate to hang out with an old time friend, who I haven't seen since August. We used to see each other almost everyday at school and then dance. Since I graduated we have seen each other maybe three times total. But last night we were able to hang out for about five hours. I love you Kaila.

Clean Freak

I would love to express my love for having a clean kitchen. Sounds crazy on how happy I am once the kitchen is in fact cleaned, but boy I sure do have a big smile once I see the kitchen tops glisten. I made cookies tonight and you know what? After I baked the cookies, I cleaned the kitchen. Yup, that's right. To some people this might sound like insanity, but to me it's fulfilling and makes my day better! One day, a man with appreciate this. ha.

First Part Of The Year

School is coming to end and I feel like a failure this semester. Last semester I had all A's and was so happy with college. Something odd happened this semester and I just got into a depression for awhile and just wouldn't go to class; shortly after my depression sort of faded off, I got this intense Kidney Infection. With this KI I have been in massive amounts of pain, headaches, fevers, etc. and going to class just seemed impossible, even hanging out with friends was hard to do.

Luckily I was able to get Medical Withdrawals for some of my classes and then just re-take them next semester. But I was thinking, "Oh, maybe my infection is finally gone. Most kidney infections don't last over a month to go away." I got to the doctor and she tells me that I still have my infection. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Why isn't this going away? My mom and I are just getting fed up with it no one taking it serious. If kidney infections go on for too long, then they can result in renal failure. I personally don't want renal failure at just 19 years old. My mother called up a specialist and FINALLY got me an appointment with someone who actually knows what they are doing. I will keep you posted on my progress once I meet with the specialist.

I am just wanting the summer to come because I have seen very few things good happen to me this semester. I feel like a failure with school, I am in pain from my kidney infection, and I look at all of my friends who are happily married and I'm not complaining, but I am lonely. Life can just be difficult when you are battling life's demons by yourself.

I just want happiness...

Welcome Spring

Today I spent the day with some family members. My Grandma, Kodei, Chyanne, Bailly, and I all went to the park so that the kids could get out of the house and have some fun. The weather was beautiful and it finally feels like spring has sprung.

One of my best friends that I haven't seen in such a long time was at the park with her son. It was wonderful to see her again. It has been about two or three years since I have seen her last and I sure have missed her.

Tonight I am going out to dinner with my grandma to La Casita, our families favorite resturaunt. After wards we are going to see a movie. I love having family around all the time. I feel at peace and content with my life.

Thank you Utah for this beautiful weather. It wasn't taken advantage of.

Pain

I am in so much pain!!! stupid kidney infections and taking over my life! Although this sucks, i am very grateful for my amazing family who has been checking up on me ever since we found out what was wrong.

Yesterday i woke up with a fever of 103 degrees, a heart rate of 150, and my body aching and killing. I went to the doctors and got put on medication.

Today i went again to the doctors and got a check up. Then later today i went and got a CT scan and thankfully i don't have kidney stones so no surgery, Yay!! but we did find out that my white blood cells are high and that my infection is really bad!

I guess i have to wait out the pain and deal! but i dont know where i would be if i didn't have my family right beside me holding my hand through this. I love you guys

Up/Down

I feel so bi-polar lately. Just a few days ago I was in this state that I just couldn't get out of where all I wanted to do was cry, and so I did. Then yesterday I just had such an amazing day. I was just the happiest I had been in some time. It felt really good to just relax, let go, and to have fun. I feel like with school and work I just keep myself closed off from the rest of the world. I'm really grateful for my new amazing ward. It's great to just let my hair hang down and have just a little fun. ha.

Remembering the Past

Yesterday I was looking at one of my old best friends' myspace. I don't know what came over me, but I'm sitting in work and I just start to cry. I know it's a little ridiculous, but I just miss the times when I had a little group of friends and we would always talk about what our lives would become when we get "older" (jr. high and high school), we would pretend to be fictional characters from our favorite disney movie, we had certain hiding spots at recess, and the list goes on. I miss being able count on someone no matter what, and know that they will always be there for me. We've had our differences but we over came them. We went through so many dilemas with family together. I remember one day getting to school and seeing Brandi come out of the school just crying. She wouldn't talk to anyone but she came running to me. All she said was "my mom has cancer!" I remember helping her through that whole experience. I miss having slumber parties at Brandi's house with me, Brandi, Sadie, and Lacey. We would stay up all night talking.

I don't know why, but I just miss always having a friend for me. I have some of the greastest friends in the world, but with all of our lives moving, I feel all alone. I can't really go to anyone when I just want to cry for no reason. That's sad for me. Sometimes I wish I were Peter Pan, so I never had to grow up.

2009-2010

I thought to myself, "Self, what will you remember most of '09?"

Great things did happen in my life..

1) Gained new friends. Nothing can top that. To have old and new friends enter into my life is something I will hold dear to my heart forever.

2) Graduation of High School.Seminary.MATC.

3) Summer.California.

4) University

5) Family.Greatest family.

6) A new job

7) Scholarship & Pell Grant

8) L.I.F.E.

This year I had experiences that I have never experienced before. Some of them were good, maybe even great, and others, not so much.

At times I feel like everyone is moving on with their lives and I am stuck. But I know this isn't true. I started college, I moved out, I am learning new things everyday...yet it doesn't change the way I feel. I wish I could snap my fingers and go off to some remote island; think of everything I had done in my life so far, and get away from the hardships and competition of the world.

Maybe one day I will be able to do that...but until then

A day of Remembrance

Today was the funeral of Jeremy Jacobson. I wasn't able to ever meet Jeremy, I regret that. I hate seeing my loving friends so sad. I know that Jeremy was deeply loved by his family and friends. You will be missed. I love you Sam and Jacobson family.

Our "happy hugger"

Fluttering butterfly

Tasha Ann Brammer, how I miss you and your beautiful smile. Today you would be 22 years old. Happy Birthday girl. We all miss you down here. I think of you daily. There isn't a day that passes by that you don't run across my mind. Because of you, I have learned to appreciate life and to make every day the best day of my life. I miss your stinkin guts girlie. I think of the last day we spent together a lot. We had so much fun. It was so good to have those few hours just to talk with you, laugh, and have fun! I couldn't have asked for a better goodbye! You're always on my mind. We all love you and miss you!!!

Merry Christmas

I am so excited for christmas this year. Usually we have christmas at my grandma's house which is in Spanish Fork. My mom and I currently live in Orem and have been for 3 and half years. The drive to Spanish fork at 7 in the morning isn't always a pleasant drive. This year after our big family Christmas eve party, the Spresser family will be going to our house here in Orem, spending the night, and then getting to wake up together to go downstairs and see all presents under the tree. It's something new, but something exciting. I can't wait to have Chyanne and Bailly (5 years old almost 6, and 4 years old almost 5) wake me up to tell me santa brought them gifts. It's going to be a great experience. I have never lived with them during christmas time.

This christmas I have done so much shopping, so much spending, but it's all going to pay off once I get to see everyone open the presents I got them. I feel totally different this season then I have in the past and I'm liking the feeling.

Merry Christmas!

Finals

I am ready for the semester to be over with. I am getting annoyed with every little thing that happens at school. Everyone is irritating me, especially my professors. Only a few more weeks left, and I am hoping I can handle it. I am so annoyed. I have no idea what to do with anything...ugh

What to do?

happy

It's so amazing to see people change for the better right in front of you. To see the happiness in

their eyes and how much more grateful they are in to be alive. It truely is an experience to see

something like that happen before you on a daily basis. I live a blessed life.

Little Things You Do...

The Christmas lights are hung, the tree is put together, and we even have a few presents wrapped. Christmas season is my favorite. Just the feeling I get when winter approaches is just the most amazing feeling ever. I have the greatest family ever and they are always there to support one another.



Last night Kodei, Chyanne, and Bailly came over to our house and it was a lot of fun. I was so exhausted from the night before and doing all the little christmas things around the house, that I crashed on the couch while they were there. I woke up to Chyanne giving me a kiss on the forehead. She was giving me a kiss goodnight. She is the sweetest little thing ever. I am so grateful for my "little me".



Now I sit at work pondering how my life has been and where I am going in the future. All of my friends' lifes are moving forward. I feel as if I am stuck at a stand still with nowhere to go. This isn't true because I do know I have a future, but it's so hard to see it when nothing is happening to you. Of course, I am moving out in late December which I am excited about, but while I move out and have roommates, my friends are getting married and having children. I do not want these things right now but I guess I'm just jealous. Oh, well...

Holidays

Today was a very fulfilling day! I went to go look at an apartment that a friend from high school was selling. I will be moving in the last part of December. I am very excited to learn how to live on my own. My mom and I then decided to put up christmas decorations. Our tree looks beautiful and the inside looks so "christmas-y"... I decided to wrap some presents and put them under the tree. I am so excited for the this month. So many new changes in my life. I know that it will be a great end to the year. Only a few more weeks left of the semester. Thank goodness because I am ready for my Social Work class to finally end. Well this month will be great! Happy Holidays

Happy Thanksgiving

What a great day. I have the most wonderful family. I've missed seeing so many of them. Today I was able to see the wonderful cousins, aunts, ect. today and it was so much fun. The food, spectacular; loved it so much. I love all my little cousins and how it scares me on how fast they are all growing up. I can't keep up with them. I feel so old, it's ridiculous haha. My dear sweet nana. I love her so much. I don't know where our family would be if it wasn't for the sweet 96-year-old woman! She is so open to everyone and loves anyone who enters her heart. Goodness sakes, she is amazing. I have the best Great Aunts and Grandma. They argue a lot but that doesn't take away the love the share to eachother. My Aunts and Uncles are great. I love them so much. Cousins, what more can I say. They are just so wonderful, sweet, funny, and just down right nuts! Gotta love them. Then there is my mother. I wouldn't be where I am today if it weren't for her. She is so amazing. I am so grateful for my entire nutty family. THANK YOU FAM! I LOVE YOU!!!!

Turkey Day Tomorrow

I am so grateful for my wonderful family. Today I got the chance to go see my family in Spanish Fork and cut vegetables for the relish tray for thanksgiving. I love my family and all that they do for me. I know that they would do anything for me...

Now on a side note from that, people are so stupid. I'm driving down to Spanish Fork from Orem; but I couldn't take the freeway because of accidents. Do people not know how to drive when there is a holiday? As I am driving there are about four more accidents. I mean come on people...it's not that difficult to drive normally even though there is so much chaos from the holidays.

Anyways, I am thankful for my amazing friends and family. The holidays this year are going to be great. I'm not sure why it's going to be so good, but it's going to be a good one. If that made sense. Happy Thanksgiving.

Teenagers

Ok I would like to say how happy I am that I am no longer 13 years old. So much drama between three 13 year olds and I think I might hit a few of them. When do you think it is okay to emotionaly hurt another for no reason? Does it make you feel superior? I honestly do NOT understand the situation. I am not okay with a certain someone going behind their best friends back and betraying them by revealing things that are very personal to another. Now for that "other person" to repeat these things to other teenagers is messed up. My little cousin no longer wants to attend Thanskgiving dinner, talk to his cousin, talk to one of his friends, and even go to church; the one place where he should feel safe and happy. Thanks. I'm glad that the one thing I was trying to prevent from happening to him at this age, is now happening. Screw this, I'm pissed off...

One Moment In Time

I am grateful for all the loving people in my life. Today was just a great day. I realized how much i love my friends and family and how blessed of a life I live. I saw my great and wonderful uncle at his job today. What an amazing man. I got to spend time with my amazing mom.My dear Brittany, I haven't seen you in so long, today was needed. Olive Garden and catching up on lost times.I have been struggling with so much in my life lately; not sure where to turn, who to go to for help and today just helped so much. Granted, I am still struggling, but at least I feel at ease, even if for a moment.What a blessing...

5/27/2009

Tomorrow is graduation and I am so excited. I can't wait to see my family who will be there. The scary thing is, I might not see all of my friends ever again. To me that is scary. When you are young, you always dream of growing up, then once you are more of an adult, you get scared of what is to come.
Anyways, after grad, my family and I will be going out to eat and that is going to be fun. This Saturday me and my cousin are celebrating our graduations. Hopefully a lot of people will be coming.
Today I did a lot of running around and doing errands. I also spend 3 hours curling my gosh dang hair. It took forever.
Well, I think thats enough for tonight.