Pain

I am in so much pain!!! stupid kidney infections and taking over my life! Although this sucks, i am very grateful for my amazing family who has been checking up on me ever since we found out what was wrong.

Yesterday i woke up with a fever of 103 degrees, a heart rate of 150, and my body aching and killing. I went to the doctors and got put on medication.

Today i went again to the doctors and got a check up. Then later today i went and got a CT scan and thankfully i don't have kidney stones so no surgery, Yay!! but we did find out that my white blood cells are high and that my infection is really bad!

I guess i have to wait out the pain and deal! but i dont know where i would be if i didn't have my family right beside me holding my hand through this. I love you guys

Up/Down

I feel so bi-polar lately. Just a few days ago I was in this state that I just couldn't get out of where all I wanted to do was cry, and so I did. Then yesterday I just had such an amazing day. I was just the happiest I had been in some time. It felt really good to just relax, let go, and to have fun. I feel like with school and work I just keep myself closed off from the rest of the world. I'm really grateful for my new amazing ward. It's great to just let my hair hang down and have just a little fun. ha.

Remembering the Past

Yesterday I was looking at one of my old best friends' myspace. I don't know what came over me, but I'm sitting in work and I just start to cry. I know it's a little ridiculous, but I just miss the times when I had a little group of friends and we would always talk about what our lives would become when we get "older" (jr. high and high school), we would pretend to be fictional characters from our favorite disney movie, we had certain hiding spots at recess, and the list goes on. I miss being able count on someone no matter what, and know that they will always be there for me. We've had our differences but we over came them. We went through so many dilemas with family together. I remember one day getting to school and seeing Brandi come out of the school just crying. She wouldn't talk to anyone but she came running to me. All she said was "my mom has cancer!" I remember helping her through that whole experience. I miss having slumber parties at Brandi's house with me, Brandi, Sadie, and Lacey. We would stay up all night talking.

I don't know why, but I just miss always having a friend for me. I have some of the greastest friends in the world, but with all of our lives moving, I feel all alone. I can't really go to anyone when I just want to cry for no reason. That's sad for me. Sometimes I wish I were Peter Pan, so I never had to grow up.

2009-2010

I thought to myself, "Self, what will you remember most of '09?"

Great things did happen in my life..

1) Gained new friends. Nothing can top that. To have old and new friends enter into my life is something I will hold dear to my heart forever.

2) Graduation of High School.Seminary.MATC.

3) Summer.California.

4) University

5) Family.Greatest family.

6) A new job

7) Scholarship & Pell Grant

8) L.I.F.E.

This year I had experiences that I have never experienced before. Some of them were good, maybe even great, and others, not so much.

At times I feel like everyone is moving on with their lives and I am stuck. But I know this isn't true. I started college, I moved out, I am learning new things everyday...yet it doesn't change the way I feel. I wish I could snap my fingers and go off to some remote island; think of everything I had done in my life so far, and get away from the hardships and competition of the world.

Maybe one day I will be able to do that...but until then

A day of Remembrance

Today was the funeral of Jeremy Jacobson. I wasn't able to ever meet Jeremy, I regret that. I hate seeing my loving friends so sad. I know that Jeremy was deeply loved by his family and friends. You will be missed. I love you Sam and Jacobson family.

Our "happy hugger"

Fluttering butterfly

Tasha Ann Brammer, how I miss you and your beautiful smile. Today you would be 22 years old. Happy Birthday girl. We all miss you down here. I think of you daily. There isn't a day that passes by that you don't run across my mind. Because of you, I have learned to appreciate life and to make every day the best day of my life. I miss your stinkin guts girlie. I think of the last day we spent together a lot. We had so much fun. It was so good to have those few hours just to talk with you, laugh, and have fun! I couldn't have asked for a better goodbye! You're always on my mind. We all love you and miss you!!!

Merry Christmas

I am so excited for christmas this year. Usually we have christmas at my grandma's house which is in Spanish Fork. My mom and I currently live in Orem and have been for 3 and half years. The drive to Spanish fork at 7 in the morning isn't always a pleasant drive. This year after our big family Christmas eve party, the Spresser family will be going to our house here in Orem, spending the night, and then getting to wake up together to go downstairs and see all presents under the tree. It's something new, but something exciting. I can't wait to have Chyanne and Bailly (5 years old almost 6, and 4 years old almost 5) wake me up to tell me santa brought them gifts. It's going to be a great experience. I have never lived with them during christmas time.

This christmas I have done so much shopping, so much spending, but it's all going to pay off once I get to see everyone open the presents I got them. I feel totally different this season then I have in the past and I'm liking the feeling.

Merry Christmas!

Finals

I am ready for the semester to be over with. I am getting annoyed with every little thing that happens at school. Everyone is irritating me, especially my professors. Only a few more weeks left, and I am hoping I can handle it. I am so annoyed. I have no idea what to do with anything...ugh

What to do?

happy

It's so amazing to see people change for the better right in front of you. To see the happiness in

their eyes and how much more grateful they are in to be alive. It truely is an experience to see

something like that happen before you on a daily basis. I live a blessed life.

Little Things You Do...

The Christmas lights are hung, the tree is put together, and we even have a few presents wrapped. Christmas season is my favorite. Just the feeling I get when winter approaches is just the most amazing feeling ever. I have the greatest family ever and they are always there to support one another.



Last night Kodei, Chyanne, and Bailly came over to our house and it was a lot of fun. I was so exhausted from the night before and doing all the little christmas things around the house, that I crashed on the couch while they were there. I woke up to Chyanne giving me a kiss on the forehead. She was giving me a kiss goodnight. She is the sweetest little thing ever. I am so grateful for my "little me".



Now I sit at work pondering how my life has been and where I am going in the future. All of my friends' lifes are moving forward. I feel as if I am stuck at a stand still with nowhere to go. This isn't true because I do know I have a future, but it's so hard to see it when nothing is happening to you. Of course, I am moving out in late December which I am excited about, but while I move out and have roommates, my friends are getting married and having children. I do not want these things right now but I guess I'm just jealous. Oh, well...

Holidays

Today was a very fulfilling day! I went to go look at an apartment that a friend from high school was selling. I will be moving in the last part of December. I am very excited to learn how to live on my own. My mom and I then decided to put up christmas decorations. Our tree looks beautiful and the inside looks so "christmas-y"... I decided to wrap some presents and put them under the tree. I am so excited for the this month. So many new changes in my life. I know that it will be a great end to the year. Only a few more weeks left of the semester. Thank goodness because I am ready for my Social Work class to finally end. Well this month will be great! Happy Holidays

Happy Thanksgiving

What a great day. I have the most wonderful family. I've missed seeing so many of them. Today I was able to see the wonderful cousins, aunts, ect. today and it was so much fun. The food, spectacular; loved it so much. I love all my little cousins and how it scares me on how fast they are all growing up. I can't keep up with them. I feel so old, it's ridiculous haha. My dear sweet nana. I love her so much. I don't know where our family would be if it wasn't for the sweet 96-year-old woman! She is so open to everyone and loves anyone who enters her heart. Goodness sakes, she is amazing. I have the best Great Aunts and Grandma. They argue a lot but that doesn't take away the love the share to eachother. My Aunts and Uncles are great. I love them so much. Cousins, what more can I say. They are just so wonderful, sweet, funny, and just down right nuts! Gotta love them. Then there is my mother. I wouldn't be where I am today if it weren't for her. She is so amazing. I am so grateful for my entire nutty family. THANK YOU FAM! I LOVE YOU!!!!

Turkey Day Tomorrow

I am so grateful for my wonderful family. Today I got the chance to go see my family in Spanish Fork and cut vegetables for the relish tray for thanksgiving. I love my family and all that they do for me. I know that they would do anything for me...

Now on a side note from that, people are so stupid. I'm driving down to Spanish Fork from Orem; but I couldn't take the freeway because of accidents. Do people not know how to drive when there is a holiday? As I am driving there are about four more accidents. I mean come on people...it's not that difficult to drive normally even though there is so much chaos from the holidays.

Anyways, I am thankful for my amazing friends and family. The holidays this year are going to be great. I'm not sure why it's going to be so good, but it's going to be a good one. If that made sense. Happy Thanksgiving.

Teenagers

Ok I would like to say how happy I am that I am no longer 13 years old. So much drama between three 13 year olds and I think I might hit a few of them. When do you think it is okay to emotionaly hurt another for no reason? Does it make you feel superior? I honestly do NOT understand the situation. I am not okay with a certain someone going behind their best friends back and betraying them by revealing things that are very personal to another. Now for that "other person" to repeat these things to other teenagers is messed up. My little cousin no longer wants to attend Thanskgiving dinner, talk to his cousin, talk to one of his friends, and even go to church; the one place where he should feel safe and happy. Thanks. I'm glad that the one thing I was trying to prevent from happening to him at this age, is now happening. Screw this, I'm pissed off...

One Moment In Time

I am grateful for all the loving people in my life. Today was just a great day. I realized how much i love my friends and family and how blessed of a life I live. I saw my great and wonderful uncle at his job today. What an amazing man. I got to spend time with my amazing mom.My dear Brittany, I haven't seen you in so long, today was needed. Olive Garden and catching up on lost times.I have been struggling with so much in my life lately; not sure where to turn, who to go to for help and today just helped so much. Granted, I am still struggling, but at least I feel at ease, even if for a moment.What a blessing...

5/27/2009

Tomorrow is graduation and I am so excited. I can't wait to see my family who will be there. The scary thing is, I might not see all of my friends ever again. To me that is scary. When you are young, you always dream of growing up, then once you are more of an adult, you get scared of what is to come.
Anyways, after grad, my family and I will be going out to eat and that is going to be fun. This Saturday me and my cousin are celebrating our graduations. Hopefully a lot of people will be coming.
Today I did a lot of running around and doing errands. I also spend 3 hours curling my gosh dang hair. It took forever.
Well, I think thats enough for tonight.